Like a Monkey to a Banana
by x Varda x
Summary: Rodney gets badly hurt when he saves someone he's only just met. How will they react to his heroism? Rodney whump with some crack humour...


_A/N – a Birthday present for **RodneyIsGodney**, who also provided the prompt (at the end)_

**_Like a Monkey to a Banana_**

Rodney tinkered and fiddled with the device, safe in the knowledge that none of the natives ever visited this cave and that the rest of his team were very close in the nearby village. The people on the planet were easily upset according to Teyla, so, as usual, his team had silently agreed to keep Rodney well hidden away from them so that he didn't say anything to derail the negotiations.

The device he was messing with didn't seem to be that advanced. Probably an old piece of Wraith or Ancient tech that had been left behind. Teyla said that the villagers spoke of 'haunted' caves, but this did not faze Rodney and he assumed it was just some kind of holographic projector. He couldn't get it to work though, so he had plugged in his tablet.

He was just about to experimentally feed some power to the device, when there was a small squeal behind him and Rodney spun around in fright of the possible phantoms; maybe they _did_ exist after all and might very well try to attack him. But he only saw a small girl running into the cave, silhouetted slightly in the bright light streaming through the entrance.

She appeared not to have seen him, because she headed for the nearest shadowed place beside one of the walls, crouched down and sobbed quietly. Rodney stood dazed and unsure what to do about the crying child. He put his tablet down and wrung his hands nervously. He hated kids. Well, that probably wasn't entirely true. It was just that he found them twice as irritating as adults due to their lack of intelligence and how he had to spell everything out to them very s-l-o-w-l-y so that they could understand what he said.

He frowned and mumbled, "Uh, hey, what's up?"

The girl looked at him as tears poured down her grubby face. Her cheeks were rosy and freckled, or possibly just very dirty, when Rodney shone the torch he held right into her face. She blinked and closed her eyes. She was very young; probably not even into double figures in age. She said quietly, "The bad men are coming! You have to hide!"

Rodney glanced around nervously. His eyes ever straying to the cave mouth yawning open into the world beyond. "Who's coming? Why?"

His question was soon answered, when three large men stepped up and blocked nearly all the light. Two held Wraith stunners and one had a bow. They spotted the girl as she cried out in fright and tried to burrow herself into her knees. They ignored Rodney, but he was further into the cave and probably well hidden from those whose eyes were as yet unaccustomed to the darkness.

He sensed bad things were indeed afoot and unholstered his sidearm. Little use it would do against three men and there was no way he was going to shoot someone in front of a little girl.

The man with the bow raised it and pulled the string back. He aimed it at the girl and Rodney opened his mouth in horror. He may not have liked children very much, but why were these men trying to kill her!?

He was unsure what possessed him then, as he ran forwards at the same time as the native loosed the arrow. Rodney fired his gun in their general direction as he used his body to block the path of the projectile. All the bullets missed the men, but they were sufficiently spooked to flee with shouts of, "The terrors are here!"

Unfortunately, the arrow was more accurate than Rodney's desperate attacks and struck him in the side with such force than he was thrown to the ground. He cried out in shock and dropped his gun as he landed and lay sprawled out on his back and completely still for a moment. But then the pain started and he rolled onto his side and wrapped his hand around the shaft of the arrow cruelly protruding from his stomach.

He whimpered and closed his eyes tightly as they watered. He coughed and there was a fearful metallic taste in his throat and mouth as he struggled to breathe.

He felt small hands pawing at his face and in his hair and he gasped and flinched at the pain in his abdomen from the arrow piercing him. He narrowly opened his eyes as he tapped his radio with his free hand and tried to raise his team for help, but there was no answer.

The girl's eyes were wide as she stared and stared at him. All the colour had drained from her face and her fair hair hung over her miniaturised features in matted, almost feral, curls. She continued to pat his face and Rodney found a strange comfort there.

He stuttered in time with the shock-related trembles passing through his body, "Wh-what's your n-n-name?"

She stopped tapping him and removed her hands. She remained completely still and just blinked slowly and said nothing. Rodney said patronisingly, "Hello? McKay to small person. Do you have a name?"

Her face remained blank and then she whispered, "Laureen."

"I'm Rodney. Be a good little m-munchkin and help me out would you? Th-there's a b-bandage in my vest."

She looked down at the arrow and furrowed her brow. Rodney winced and coughed again, feeling a trickle of blood as it ran out of his mouth. He quickly wiped it away before Laureen saw it.

She gazed up at him with her eyes still wide, but in wonder this time, as she asked, "Does it hurt, Rod'ey?"

"Not really, it's like being tickled with a feather duster."

The girl relaxed slightly.

"S-sarcasm obviously doesn't work on y-you." Rodney closed his eyes and scrunched up his face as the unbearable pain radiated through his midsection and he moaned.

"Rod'ey? Rod'ey!"

He opened his eyes and sighed, "S-sorry. Yes, it h-hurts a great deal. So, will you help me?"

She nodded and steeled herself.

"M-my pocket."

She reached forwards with her impossibly small hand and hesitated to touch him. Rodney said, "It's the one underneath. Where… _it_ is."

She gained confidence from his words and encouragement and tugged open the Velcro and retrieved the bandage. The pull was horrendous as the movement of the vest jostled the arrow in him, but it was necessary to stop the bleeding. At least he hoped it would stop the external bleeding as he suppressed another messy cough for her sake as blood came up his throat again.

He removed the pressure of his hand from the base of the arrow where it punched through his vest and clothes and met flesh. His hand trembled uncontrollably as he looked down and saw it was shining with blood. But it was too dark in the cave to see the colour and it could've been water for all he knew.

"Help me w-wrap it around the bottom of the a-arrow."

Her hands may have been small, but she worked quickly and soon had the material pressed against the injury far better than Rodney could've achieved alone. He kept his hand on the padding and breathed through the pain with increasing difficulty. He found that holding his breath helped, but that made him dizzy.

He felt a light pressure in his free hand and looked down through his clouded eyes to see that Laureen was clutching his hand tightly with her smaller one which barely managed to fit into the palm of his as she tried to comfort him. It saddened him so much that he allowed his fragile barriers of manly stoicism to fall and the tears of pain turned into sobs of anguish. There really was no point in trying to hold back, when he knew that a child wouldn't be bothered by his weakness and he really needed to use his remaining strength to stay conscious to protect her.

Laureen was startled and tentatively reached forward with her other hand and patted his face again. She said, "Please, don't cry, Rod'ey!"

Rodney furrowed his brow and closed his eyes as they continued to leak and the water ran down his cheeks and dripped off the end of his nose. His voice was cracked and low as he asked, "Why were th-they chasing you and t-trying to shoot you?"

"Apples!" She said so abruptly that it made Rodney jump and he gritted his teeth and trembled. She had stopped pawing his face and was holding his hand in both of hers. He resisted the urge to bunch his hand into a fist as he had no wish to crush her tiny fingers which he knew he would do if he expressed the pain he was in in that way.

"I took an apple. They don't like it when I do that."

"They shot at you f-for that?" Rodney choked and felt another trickle of blood from his mouth and moved to try and hide it. But he couldn't break his grip with Laureen and she saw it, but did not flinch. Kids were evidently a lot tougher in the Pegasus Galaxy with the Wraith and so much violence all around every day.

Rodney mumbled, "S-sorry. You don't w-want to see that…"

He tried to turn away, but Laureen's eyes opened even wider as she gripped his hand and didn't let go. She said in a small, almost awed, voice, "You're bleeding!"

"Obviously…" Rodney said heavily, resisting the urge to make a sarcastic comment to a child who would not understand.

Rodney sighed and said, "Okay. This is r-ridiculous! I need to f-find my team." He rolled onto his back and lost his breath in a whimpered gasp as the arrow moved inside him. He hauled himself upright and stumbled into the wall where he leant heavily against the dark, jagged stone. "Headrush…" he mumbled as what felt like a very heavy blanket just draped over his shoulders threatened to force him back down.

There was a pressure around his waist, below the arrow, and he looked down blearily to see that Laureen had her arms wrapped around him in a hug and her face nuzzled into the uninjured part of his belly. Rodney winced and uneasily tried to extract himself from the clinging child. "Uh, I n-need to move!"

Laureen let go and grabbed his hand possessively as she led him out of the cave into the light. Rodney tapped his radio again and then rested his free hand back around the arrow as he staggered and curled his abdomen to try and alleviate some of the pain from the weapon imbedded in him. "McKay to Sheppard."

_"This is Sheppard, go ahead."_

"Wh-what? I tried c-calling you…" The cave must have blocked the signal.

_"Rodney?"_ Teyla said in alarm. _"Is there something wrong?"_

Rodney sunk down to his knees, despite Laureen's efforts to keep him standing. She was just too small to offer any support and he fell down and lay still on his side. He could no longer speak as more blood came from his mouth and he trembled violently.

Laureen looked shocked and cried, "Rod'ey! Don't die!"

_"McKay!? Stay put, we're coming to you."_

Rodney hummed and closed his eyes. In the midst of all the pain there were tiny fingers entwined with his in a loosely clenched fist, while another hand rested on his chest. He knew he had to stay awake though, in case the men came back and tried to finish what they started, as well as killing the girl.

He narrowly opened his eyes and the girl smiled at him sweetly. Rodney could not help it as he bravely returned the expression and his vision clouded with more tears.

It did not take long for the rest of his team to find him and he mumbled, "Bring her w-with us to A-Atlantis. Protect h-her," and closed his eyes.

He felt more bandages being wrapped around the arrow against him and heard the high pitched voice of the little girl replied to with low mumble, probably from Ronon. He soon let himself fall unconscious, safe in the knowledge that Laureen would be alright.

* * *

The next time Rodney opened his eyes, he was back on Atlantis lying on a bed in the infirmary. There were thick and tight bandages wound around his middle and a cannula under his nose blowing air into him. More tubes and lines pulled at his skin and he winced.

Rodney moved a hand up and rested it on his abdomen and grimaced at the barely suppressed ever-present stab of intense pain beneath his fingers and running through his midsection.

His movements caught someone's attention and they said, "Hey. How're you doing?"

Rodney looked up blearily and saw that John was sitting in a chair next to his with a book in his hands. Rodney grumbled, "Why does it always have to be arrows? Is there a sign above my head that only I can't see saying, 'archery target practice?'"

John's eyes darted above Rodney for a moment and he smirked, "If there is, I can't see it either. I'm sure the natives on the planets we visit have specially attuned sight to be able to though. We should ask Ronon and Teyla what it says."

"Hmm."

John suddenly quirked his eyebrows and said, "I think you've got a new admirer."

"What?" Rodney glanced around and saw that Laureen was curled up like a cat on the bed next to his, which had been pushed up as closely as possible. Rodney's mouth dropped open at the change he saw. Her hair was neat and brushed and her face was clean, revealing rosy cheeks and more freckles than had been visible in the cave.

John said, "She told us an interesting story about what happened."

"Oh," Rodney sighed.

"Yes. She says that a heroic giant stood up to the bad men and made them go away. And that this man shielded her when they tried to hurt her."

Rodney frowned indignantly, "I'm not a giant!"

John smiled, "She seems to think so and her way of repaying you is that we can't drag her away from you no matter how hard we try." John's mouth widened into a grin as he continued, "It always ends in tears and cries of, 'Ronny' or 'Roddy.'"

Rodney sighed in exasperation and rolled his eyes. His voice rose as he said hotly, "She needs some tuition to get rid of _that_ tendency."

There was a small murmur from the bed next to Rodney's and Laureen slowly opened her eyes and peered across at them. Her face changed from sleepy confusion into disbelief and then outright happiness and she cried, "Rod'ey!"

John grinned and Rodney shot him a look of disgust before he turned back to Laureen and said, "Repeat after me: Rod-ney."

The girl's smile did not falter and she exclaimed, "Ro'ney!"

_"Rod-ney!"_

John decided to step in then, "Leave her alone, McKay. Besides, I think it's cute."

Laureen beamed at John and Rodney stared at the man with murderous intent. Sheppard returned an innocent look and then Rodney was distracted by the quiet shuffle nearby and then the small hand which worked its way into his and held on tightly.

He glanced at Laureen, who was now standing next to him. She was only just able to see his face due to her lack of height and looked on him in wonder as her eyes tracked around the myriad of tubes and machines attached to his body. She said, "But you were broken!"

Rodney furrowed his brow as his eyes locked with hers and he saw a flicker of fear in her young face.

John said, "They fixed him up and sewed him all back together again."

Rodney narrowed his eyes and turned to Sheppard, "I'm not Humpty Dumpty then…"

Laureen laughed in a delightful giggle which could not help but make Rodney smile and he said to her, "They taught you that one, huh?"

Rodney turned to Sheppard and asked, "What's going to happen to her now?"

John's face fell. "We went back to the village with her once you were safely through the gate. But it turns out that both her parents were taken in the last Wraith cull. The people left didn't want her, which is why she had been stealing; they never give her anything and sounded quite glad when we said we have a place for her."

Laureen was quietly listening, with her gaze still unnervingly fixed on Rodney's face. As John spoke, her eyes welled up and silent tears flowed down her face. Rodney grimaced in discomfort and gently squeezed her hand where she was still holding onto him. "Hey, uh, it's okay. We know a place that you'll absolutely love." He turned to Sheppard, "The kiddy planet, right?"

John nodded, "We're going there later today if we can pry Laureen away from you to see if they'll take her in, if not, then Teyla said the Athosians would be able to. She was a little malnourished when we brought her back, but she's got a lot better while you were sleeping it off."

John turned to Laureen and smiled encouragingly, "Come on, we'll take you to a nicer place where you can play all day without worrying about anyone coming after you."

Laureen looked to McKay for approval and concentrated deeply as she slowly said, "Rod… Rod-ney?"

"Give that girl a lolly!" He was astounded that she had finally got his name right and smiled, "And it's fine. You'll love it. I suppose that means I'll have to visit you when I'm better?"

Laureen looked happy and said, "Yes."

Rodney smiled back at her, but his face fell sadly when John successfully managed to get her away from the injured scientist and she clasped John's hand instead. He walked her out of the infirmary and she turned back briefly and said, "Thank you, Rod-ney!"

He nodded slowly and then she was gone.

Rodney knew he would have to be forced to visit Laureen, wherever she ended up, with much spoken disgust. But deep down, he had to admit to himself that maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all. She seemed to really like him and he knew that there was no deception or ulterior motive beneath her actions, unlike a lot of adults Rodney knew or had known in the past.

He sighed and closed his eyes. He tried to get more comfortable on the bed where he had been lying still for too long, but it just increased the pain level and he sighed in defeat as exhaustion overtook him and he drifted off to sleep.

The End

_A/N - The prompt was: write a fic where Rodney rescues a little girl and she, of course, takes to him like a monkey to a_ _banana… Slightly different to what I normally write, I know, also the girl's a Mary!Sue in miniature, but that was intentional :P Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!_


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